Abandonded Feelings?

During a stormy night,

it's cozy and relaxing.

Each droplet hitting against the window.

thump. thump. thump.

I'm not sure what it is.

That feeling of emptiness, where I think it would go away yet each night..it creeps up in my mind.

Like a silent predator, about to hunt for it's prey.

It's as if I don't know where I'm going in life, screeching in pain deep down, wanting to do something..

Yet you just don't have the freedom to. Those abandoned feelings? They've always been there.

Until now, did I notice them. Realizing that a part of me, is still content with her blissful life where nothing is wrong.

Even though, I still struggle for what is truly missing or hurting, I wonder what it is. Is it love? Is it friendship? Is it family? Or am I mind fucked here? 

And when I snap, exasperated, unable to convey my anger to anyone else.. They don't know what or how I feel. Stress at this age? Impossible, they say.

It's possible, to be stressed at any age..any time. Especially when I'm so .. so stressed and frustrated with the fact that I cannot find out what it is that's missing.

Everyday I go through the same days, nothing is different yet everything is the same for now.

For now. thump. thump. thump.

And when it changes, it stays the same for a bit, and the same cycle repeats so often.

Where am I in life? No where.. as far as I can see, my problems are not as severe compared to others'.

Although it isn't, it still bugs me..irritates me. Wishing to find out my answer, yet there is no one or no such thing that will help this unknown question and answer.

I wish there was an easy answer for everything, but in this case.. it's impossible.

Without knowing what it is that's crying in pain deep inside, how will I solve it?

Something is missing. thump. thump. thump. Something is gone, something isn't solved but.. Everything is empty.