How to:Become a Tough Douche.

(First off and furthermost, this is a comedy post. Do not take this seriously. Thank you, and enjoy!)

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Don't have a girlfriend? 

Don't have a man?

Don't have abs?

Don't have a deep voice?

Don't have . .. contacts?

Well you're in luck!!

Hi, I'm Amy here to help you on how to get yourself a girl.

Step one. 

In order to get a girlfriend, you need to get the looks. So grab the cheapest gel and put a whole ****load of it in your hair, don't be afraid... Spike your hair up until it reaches the ****** ceiling! Girls love getting spiked at when running their fingers through overly use of hair products. Make sure to keep staring at your ugly *** reflection in the mirror.

ALWAYS.. have a mirror close by. If you need to ..

Ask a random woman. She'll smack you with her purse or.. not have a mirror., the least. Creep on her when she fishes for a mirror, girls love being stared at..especially at their breasts. If you think you can.. grope them! Girls love aggressiveness.

Also. Take away your glasses, that's not trending anymore! Who needs glasses? Why not discover the world with your eyes, you four eyed awkward duckling? Who cares! Just walk blind. Girls love it when guys touch them all over accidentally.

Step two. You need the attitude of a tough douche.

   Don't open doors for girls, especially the elderly. They don't need your pity.

If someone comes up to you randomly say "**** off, bro."

As an ex-Tough Douche, its important to say bro because whatever you say that may be insulting, won't be as offensive since you added bro. Put emphasis into it and say, "brah." because if you have a male best friend and they support you like women's bras... then they are a brah.  Not a bra.

Step three. If you catch a sexy girl staring at you pornographically then take your fingers and rub them all over your chest.

Girls love being seduced like this.Who knows..she could be your soul mate. 

ALWAYS.. act arrogant.

You're better than everyone else, remember that.
Even if you hate dubstep..
Blast it in your headphones and listen to Skrillex and think you're cool..

(Yeah okay. If someone calls you a douche, then you have got to be a mean ***. No one likes douches.)