Insecurities

Aloha! It's been a long time, hasn't it? About 4 months. No biggie, pft. I apologize, really. haha, I had school to be concerned about during those months and now since my summer is almost over, I decided that I might as well make a topic about insecurities. You know, because most kids are always feeling insecure and unsexy before they enter in a new grade. Hey, there's nothing to be concerned about!

You've sought for your answer and here it is!

I know that I wanted to make a youtube channel successfully and happily; I honestly couldn't do it because I saw so many flaws on my face. My smile was the most embarrassing flaw in me, but despite still not making the youtube channel (people like quality, well I dun got the money!) I decided that I'd just be happy making my peers laugh instead, as much as I have the desire to make a youtube I'll have to postpone it until I have the money/time... even if that sounds like an excuse.

Well, crap that sounds like an excuse. I guess it kinda is, ah well. 

I don't mean to sound hypocritical during this post.

I guess when I say all this, it's when you see a person to face to face. Especially someone you find incredibly attractive, you think about how you look. Your weight, your acne, your facial hair, your height even. It's absolutely ridiculous that humans, us homo sapiens, have to think of all these things when all these flaws ARE NORMAL!

I mean, everyone has them. Insecurities. It's absolutely inevitable, and it disgusts me that .. okay, for example I am Indian. I have hair, and it's clearly noticeable on my face. I despise it, but guess what? I'm not going to shave every bit of my hair all over my body, or get laser hair removal in order to meet society's expectations. I WILL NOT do that. If someone doesn't like me for me, then .. well I hate them too.  And I am so certain I can point out flaws about their appearance too, so if they do it.. don't be afraid to do it back, in my opinion. 

Do you know what the best remedy is for ANY insecurity? To accept them. Some things you can't change. My smile for example? I don't have the money to get braces! The hair all over my body? Humans have evolved from apes, so humans have hair! My weight? I like to eat! There are flaws in which you're able to flaunt. Again, taking me for an example, I am PROUD to be Indian. If you're short, be PROUD to be fun size. If you're a little on the chubby side, BE PROUD  to have curves. (In my opinion, the really skinny/pretty girls aren't cute. They scare me.)

We cannot change who we are sometimes. I can't change that I'm Indian. If there's things you wanna change about yourself, like losing weight (HEALTHILY!) then you should do it. I'm doing it and I can do a push up. c: Just one. yeah. One. heh.

If you have acne, then try to find things that will help things reduce. Just don't expect to have everything cleared up in a day or two. Acne.. well, it's just one of those things that requires time.

I like to say that if I can't change something of myself, like my teeth, I can change it within time. I shouldn't have to rush things in order to feel better about it. I don't expect myself to get braces overnight; life just doesn't work that way and unfortunately, flaws like these require time if you really want to fix them. I'm tempted to not get them at all and accept my smile, see who will love it and love me for me. Acceptance is such a small thing you THINK you don't see.. but in reality, nobody gives a shit. Honestly, nobody is going up to you and point out that you aren't skinny or "fat." 

Btw, fat isn't what you are, just what you have. >_> People don't know how to use English. Haaaa. Whoever does go up to you and says that, you have the right to flick em' off. 

Have you ever watched a youtube video, or when someone says "apologies for the little smear of makeup".. and when you look at them, you have no idea what they're talking about? That's only because THEY pointed it out themselves, It's like ,"LOOK AT ME BUT DON'T JUDGE ME." Yeah, pretty much. 

Just be confident in who you are and no one will notice a thing. 

Hope my viewers found this helpful. ~

 

 

The Root of All Evils

A piece of paper, what could it do.

To live amazing and beautiful lives, spoiled in riches and golds.

See the world with your eyes, touch it with your pristine flesh.

A piece of paper, what could it do.

To stare at the ground, and ponder what to do. 

See the world through pictures, and not touch it with your flesh. 

Oh, the most valuable green, how almighty and wondrous it is. 

A piece of paper, what could it do?

Oh, to clench your stomach and scream in agony. 

To never have thought there would be another world, and to touch the ribs of your stomach. 

With no protection from creepy critters of the night.

A piece of paper, what could it do?!

To hold a loaded object in front of an innocent person's eyes! To stare in absolute hate and fear! 

Oh, the dream to see the world beyond the vast distances between ocean to ocean! 

Hold those green papers, satiably, boisterously, horrendously laugh! 

A piece of paper, the root of all evils! 

So mighty and dangerous! A demon inside!

So scary and frightening, yet such precious!

A piece of paper, what could it do.

To clench ever so tightly, and hold so gingerly. 

 Oh, the satisfied smiles of your offsprings.

So calmly live your life to the fullest.

So humble of currency, with scrumptious foods to eat, with a roof over your head to protect you from the creepy critters of the night.

A mistake to never be made again, a mistake that was done so long ago, but such a horror.

The mistake that will never be your destiny!

A piece of paper, is the root of all evils.

So deadly and mighty, oh why?

Only a piece of paper with green ink! Why must there be worry?

No more! No more!

It is the root of all evils.

Money, the root of all evils.

A Gem

Inside the darkened cave, several men sought for a gem. Was I gem, I wouldn't know. They flashed their lights, aiming at anything so shiny. Then suddenly, as I was glancing away, my eyes as specs of minerals, a flash comes before me. And I am picked up. The man detects the rock I am, I wouldn't know how I looked like. His eyes, a darkened color completely filled with joyous curiosity. They stared down at me, and I was taken away into his pocket. I felt the pocket vibrate gently as each step he took for hours it could be. He raised his weapon, suddenly hammering into the cave walls as if he had not found his gem. He gasped silently, smiled to himself, and stared down at the shiniest gem he had ever seen. A golden nugget, oh how wonderful and beautiful it is. He held it above his eyes, his eyebrows raising; awed at the shining and glistening of this beautiful gem. He held it close, but wait. He shifted into the pocket he had put me in, grabbed me by two fingers and gently placed me where I was, which was in the darkest part of the cave. I see him shuffle around in his pockets, and suddenly he brought out a black velvet box. He opened it gently, placing the golden nugget neatly into the box and closed it softly. He grinned to himself, that prideful and confident grin. He placed that beautiful velvet box in a special pocket for him to hide from anyone else, and admire it later.

And I was suddenly back where I was, to not be noticed yet I tried. My eyes sparkled as hard as they could, attempting to ignite a beautiful glow to them. Yet no one shone their light upon me.

I was no gem, but simply a rock.

A Recipe From Me To You - Curry Flavored Lemon Shrimp Pasta

Whew, what a mouthful. I know, I know, don't yell at me. I hadn't made a post in a month. I'm sorry, okay I have a life! Just kidding. 

Anyway, here's a real update. Um, my friends and I did a cool youtube video. Its where we did a couple of challenges and combined them into one video.

• -chubby bunny
• -the water challenge. (one of my follows, Filippa, made this challenge. Pretty hilarious if you ask me.) 

 So! you should check it out! Challenge Marathon

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Alright! So here's a recipe.. this recipe is called Curry Flavored Lemon Shrimp Pasta.

Yep, yep that's right. Curry. Shrimp. And Lemons. 

 It looks weird here, but it was so good.

What you will need:

• 1/2 or 1 lb. of shrimp
• Lemons (lime is okay, but it doesn't have as much moisture as lemon does.)
• 1 red bell pepper.
• Olive oil (you can use any oil)
• Curry powder 1-3 tbs. 
• Chili powder. 2tbs (its a lot because without the spice, the curry powder wouldn't taste very well.)
• Pasta ( you can use fettuccine, angel hair, or vermicelli noodles.)
• 1 small block of Ginger
• 2 cloves of Garlic
•  2 blocks of celery. 
• Parsley (optional, if you don't have it its okay.)
• Pepper 
• Onions (some tips on dicing them will be provided after the recipe, I hate crying from em'!) 
• Water
• Small white potatoes. (Very inexpensive, you don't want to add to much. Just a hint.)
• M-m-m-uuuuuushrooms 

----------15 items total---------
Sorry about a long list of requirements, most of them are actually at your home. Like water, ginger and garlic, onions etc.

 For the shrimp, you can boil the shrimps itself without having to freeze your fingers. Or you can thaw it. I personally think boiling the shrimp is much faster. DON'T BOIL THE SHRIMP THOROUGHLY! Just enough to heat up the shrimp and make it a light pink!! :)

After boiling the shrimp, I set it aside to cool off and worked on cutting the garlic and ginger. 


 1. Begin mincing the garlic and ginger and put them to the side temporarily on your cutting board. Also cut a small strip of red bell pepper. (I used the very top of the pepper, and its good to use most of what you buy. Its edible, trust me.) You can use this little strip, cut it into smaller pieces.You can include the seeds if you'd like, but its difficult to eat.

2. Combine the minced garlic and ginger, along with the red pepper slices in a small bowl. Add in some oil, water, curry powder (1tsb.) and lemon juice. I incorporated lemon and lime, because lime at first didn't have moisture however it had a lot of pulp.

3. Let this marinate for 20 minutes. :)

4. In the meantime! Use your time wisely when cooking, hehe. Why? Well this is a great opportunity to begin boiling up some paaaastaaaaa~! (reference from Hetalia, oh Italy why are you so cute.)

To prevent sticky noodles, add in 1/2 teaspoon of salt and butter. I didn't have butter myself, so salt is okay but make sure you add in a small teaspoon of oil after draining. Cooking the noodles usually takes 20 minutes, so you won't waste time this way!

5. Alright, cutting to the veggies! For sauteing, you're going to need this veggies: the celery, mushrooms, onions and potaters. Make sure you wash your veggies! Why? Because Chef Annie said so! Just kidding guys. No really, avoid germs in your scrumptious food!

 On a medium skillet (you can use a large if you're serving a large crowd.), quickly free wash your skillet. This is a technique my mummy uses, its pretty helpful. Instead of oil, the water evaporates and once you see that all water is evaporated--you can begin putting in the oil and veggies without oil bursting onto skin! :)

OPTIONAL: You can add some imitation crab meat with some melted butter and lemon juice for extra. 

6. Saute until a nice golden forms amongst your onions and hint of potatoes, celery turns into a bright green.

7. After you've completed that step, you can begin taking out your marinated shrimp. We're not going to waste this marinate. We're putting it into use! And this will help the curry powder!

Gently place the shrimp and marinating sauce, yes both! Stir around the vegetables with the shrimp and sauce, and let it (medium) simmer for 10 minutes. Or wait until the sauce has become thickened.

To see when a substance is thickened -- when you slide your veggies to the side, it should not quickly respond. It should be slow, not fast.

8. Add in the curry powder when the substance is thick. Don't forget to add in chili powder! Without it, curry powder is very plain! And this is an Indian-inspired dish, so make sure its spicy!

9. Add in the pasta (be sure to put in a a tad bit of oil to keep moisture locked) to the skillet. If you have a small skillet, cooperate and use a folding motion with your spatula. If not, then simply stir.

10. Add a pinch of salt, pepper, chili powder to the skillet.

11. Enjoy your meal! :) If you'd like more recipes, please simply comment.
Its served best with a nice cup of red wine, or you can drink a low-sugar drink such as apple cider.
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ONION DICING TIPS!! (5 mins.)

• Peel off the skin and make sure its a smoothed surface. 
• Wash the onion under cold water.
• Taking your sexy knife, cut the two ends of the onion.
• With your sexy knife, cut HALFWAY into the onion thoroughly and wash it again.
• Cut like normal, and the process is faster without pain!

Holidays!

So Christmas and the other wonderful holidays are coming, which means awesome presents and awesome memories. So here's a little poem for you guys. (Picture was taken by me. If you take it, I will know.)

Lights reflect in my eyes, singing joyous tunes.

Bells ringing, smiles glistening. 

The balance of 0 in our accounts,

Oh sweet Lord, sales and discounts! 

Cheesy sayings and fraying, "Bah! Humbug!"

Stuffing and cooking, mom's crazy and father's dizzy! 

 Whirling shadows of our breath, fuzzy sweaters and hot coco follow up!

Come on up, oh gracious tree!
With an angel or a star, but wait let's have some teas! 
Spin the dreidel oh dreidal, let's eat up chocolate coins.
Light a menorah, and we'll have a joyous season. 
Happiness will come, along with craziness! 


 

Positivity

I can have pretty bad luck in lots of scenarios. Such as not getting the guy I want, having friendships broken, frequent bad days, negative friends.. it just so happens that I live in a saddening world, we all do if you think about it. 

I try to avoid the negativity. When you're around negative people, they bring you down along with them. IF you're the happy cheerful type and you're surrounded by depressed, aggressive people you'll be so influenced by their behavior that you just fade into the same background. As I've just said, positive people are brought down by very negative peers. Certainly that is one of the problem nowadays, and it is a true sad sight and experience. I remember how a friend of mine always put her down by her weight, her face, every little flaw of hers stood out to her so much. She called herself ugly, chubby and fat. She really was not either of them. She was truly a beautiful friend, and she didn't see the beauty/learned to love herself that she needed to do. I was deeply affected and had a burden that made me feel helpless, because as a friend I should've helped her but I did not at the time as much as I tried.(That's a vital ability you must attain.)

That's why I try to be positive. I lived under a very negative roof. Payments, mortgages, everything was very overwhelming because of the lack of currency. yet I still woke up to go to school in the morning, and after a rough car ride to school my friends cheer me up. They didn't even know I was down; its just a well known fact that when you're around happy people, you're also happy. Joy is spread.. and that's the way I like it. (Uh huh, I like it~)  

So when I'm overwhelmed with tests and exams, I have to keep in mind that a break is nearby or that its going to be over quickly. I motivate myself, and that's just the way my childhood was. Who wants to live in negativity anyway! Its no fun!

So you have to think of the bright side of things when the worst washes over you. No matter the money amount, no matter the grade. You have to think happily, if you don't you just live in regret and sadness. You get no joy from that. The more you worry, the more you age and the lack of energy you get. Honestly guys, you have to be happy in life. I don't expect you to be happy all the time. Even for me as a positive person, its never always a bright and sunny day in my head. Sometimes its a very dark and gloomy day/night, but you work your way through it. We all have our bad days.. don't take it out on people. :)

Update and a Short Lesson on Eye Candy

Well I haven't been able to update or create any posts for the past...3 months. Heh. Mostly because school life has been a little rocky in some situations, especially right now because I've got two  tests coming up tomorrow. On the bright side, I just have to work tonight and rest all day/night when I come home tomorrow!! Let's see what's new so far..I will try to make a post about positivity, because honestly I am the most positive person in most situations yet I have not preached about it! I must! I know I have lost quite a number of viewers/readers, but I will try to remain consistent with my posts and writing. Now! For a lesson on sexy guys...

I have a friend that has been boy crazy since we've known each other. Approximately throughout our 4 years of friendship, she has had feelings for at least three guys. :P (I can be exaggerating, but at the same time not really.) Before she went for the looks. The sexy abs, the sexy eyes, the perfect hair and complexion. Well, let me tell you a story of mine during middle school.

There was a very popular boy who was in a relationship with a very popular girl as well. They were in the same social groups, they were good looking, athletic; everything was perfect pretty much. At that point they'd been together for quite a long time. Middle school sweethearts, you could say. 

One day during lunch break, I decided to isolate myself from my wondrous group of friends and do homework while eating. I'm the very productive type (explains why blogging wasn't top 1 on my to-do list.), so I like to use my time very wisely. I got out my math workbooks (Not gonna lie, workbooks were so ****** easy to do.) I finished eating and just nommed on some apple slices, got out my calculator and I'm listenin' to my classical music. 

This couple I'm talking about were sitting diagonally across from me, but the girl was a lot further away for me to see. While I was doing some calculations, I seriously felt someone staring at me. "Oh, he could be just staring at someone else. Its fine." 5 bloody minutes later into this death stare, I look up from my glasses and the kid immediately fled his eyes from me as if he was not even staring. completely innocent, I tell you. Not. Mind you, his girlfriend was right next to him.

So it was an uncomfortable experience for me as an awkward duckling when it comes to boys. I had no idea if he was staring at me, or my big calculator and homework. Certainly I looked up, he instantly looked away. If only I had a clarifcation if he was staring or not. 

I started getting the idea that he might have had a small thing for me. (Relationships can have its flaws, so he must have had problems or didn't like her as much, or whatever.) I had a small thing for him too, because it felt a good self-esteem raise that someone as a possibility was staring at me. It truly was uncomfortable, so boys.. please don't stare like that. If you're gonna stare, talk!

And this was a full out stare, he didn't really shift his staring. I was pretty certain that I had nothing on my nose or face, nor my teeth 'cause I was not smiling. All I was doing was getting some work done in a big comfy and cute green sweater. It made me blush, especially since this kid was the hottest in 6th grade. But this was in 8th grade guys. :P

After a couple of days later, i decided to see if he would stare again. He didn't, and I just read a romance novel throughout. (I am a complete bookworm, also a hopeless romantic. Give me a romance novel, and I'll devour it in a week.)

He had two of my classes. And he did another funny thing during a video notes session in History class.

During the video, we were required to write notes out for a future essay and I have a habit of getting irritated looking up and down a screen for notes. I simply just stare at the video and continue writing in my scribbly messy hand writing. Honestly, its such a better technique for me. :P Anyway during the video I was writing like usual, doing my own thang. I glanced at the kid a couple of times, to see if he was staring at me. He wasn't. Mind you I have the BEST peripheral vision, so I am pretty good with instincts in some situations. While I was looking down my notes and writing, the kid did the old stretching and looking sleek skill. (Its not sleek.). He was turning around to stretch out his stomach muscles and such, and I glanced up the screen and wrote without looking. He took a double take! As if it was unbelievable that I can do this skill. He kept this stretching thing up for the rest of the hour. Looking sideways and everything. It was pretty creepy,  but I don't know about you but I kind of liked being stared at.. Its like that mission accomplished feeling, a winner feeling. Because it just is!

This went on for a couple of months, and well he looked pretty darn happy with his mate. It was probably reading into things too much; I have the tendency to do so. Guys are just so easy to misunderstand you know? At first I simply thought he was downright handsome and sexy, but well lemme tell you.. we were from complete different social groups, I wasn't as beautiful as his girl, and even if it was to happen.. it wouldn't happen because it wouldn't work out. It wasn't even, and I realized that.. just because you've got an eye candy, doesn't mean that you don't have feelings for them.

I soon developed feelings for this guy. Despite his 'popular' flaws (listens to gossip, once called a girl ugly around his friends (it wasn't around the girl), but hey maybe they were all peer pressured.), I couldn't resist it. As much as I didn't want to like this guy, I couldn't help it but try to flaunt my looks, try to be cutesy; try to catch his attention somehow. I was too self-centered to think that this happy kid with his girl would ever have the possibility of liking me. So, guys. I think its important to not get led on by stares, because you can easily misunderstand their intentions.  Also, eye candy eventually turns out to be a crush. Especially if you see them frequently.